We are officially in the season of stress. But it’s not just the holiday time that seems to encourage us to go, go, go and do, do, do. Our culture has increasingly emphasized being busy and productive—“owning the day” and “leaning in”—as the best way to be.

But it’s not. It most definitely is not. We are not meant to constantly be on. We need downtime. We need daydreaming. We need to do nothing—and we need large doses of that, regularly. But there is still a lot of shame about doing nothing. I know I continue to struggle with it, even as I read all the research that backs up its value.

At Lucky Star I was talking with a woman who had recently recovered from a life-threatening illness. She said she was trying to do less because she knew it was better for her health, but she still faced outside pressure. She had been asked by a group of other moms at her child’s school to take over a huge project. They actually said, “You finished treatment, right, so now you have time?”

What?? What the actual what?? Not only do we all need to ease up on pressuring ourselves to do more, we need to ease up on each other! Thankfully she was able to tell those women no, but she still felt guilty. And that is a shame. We should be able to say no to things that will endanger our health—physical or mental—and we should be able to do that without guilt or pushback from others.

Perhaps that is coming. There seems to be a lot more talk about self-care and taking time out and prioritizing rest than there used to be. Kate Northrup published a wonderful book earlier this year titled Do Less: A Revolutionary Approach to Time and Energy Management for Busy Moms. In it, she says:

“The way we work in our culture is as though we’re in a perpetual harvest. But anyone who’s grown anything in the earth knows this is impossible. …When a seed is planted, it takes time, care, and resources before it sprouts and grows to its fullest expression. As humans, our creative process is no different, yet we’ve forgotten that we need time, care, and space to not only do our best work but also to show up as our best selves. When you continue to plant the same crop in a field over and over and over again without ever giving it a break, the crops suffer as the soil degrades; eventually there is no harvest. … When we ask ourselves to work and produce and create and birth with no fallow time, we burn out. We become ill.”

Northrup discusses research that refutes the pressure to be productive all the time, and shows that we are actually more productive when we take breaks. She also gives all sorts of tools and exercises we can use to honor our body’s natural cycles of energy, learn how to ask for (and receive!) help, and accomplish more with less effort.

The book is an extremely helpful resource, and has sparked a “Do Less” movement. I’ve noticed others encouraging this type of behavior on social media, like Karen Brody of Daring to Rest (she has a podcast, website, and book as well). I hope that will continue to grow until it becomes mainstream and we are all able to relax without guilt!

Regardless, I urge you to take care of yourself by doing less wherever you can. Say no to things that will drain or stress you. I love the saying “No is a complete sentence.” But I have yet to be able to just say no! I always feel like I have to give a reason—and that the reason has to be justifiable. I’m doing my best to get over that. “No, I’m sorry, that won’t be possible” or “That’s not going to work for me” are all we need to say.

The holidays are an excellent time to start practicing, as we tend to accumulate responsibilities and activities over the years that weigh us down. So this holiday season, and as you begin the new year, see where you can do less. If all the holiday traditions bring you joy, by all means dive in.

But if any of them feel like a burden, see if you can make them less stressful or let them go. Use the old Better, Barter, or Bag It method—can you make it better somehow, maybe by revising it so it’s not such a hassle? Or can you get someone else to do it? Or can you just bag it completely? (Lol, does anyone say “bag it” anymore? I feel like I might be dating myself with that terminology.)

Anyway, you get the idea. Don’t buy into the societal pressure that says we have to do it all, and do it perfectly. Ease up on yourself and give yourself the gift of doing less wherever you can. (Truly a gift that keeps on giving.)

The blog will be on holiday hiatus as I take my own advice and move a few things off of my “to do” list temporarily. I will talk to y’all in 2020! (Can you believe it will be a new decade??) I hope you have a wonderful, easy, fun, happy holiday season!

This week I’ve been reading Kate Northrup’s new book Do Less (and I highly recommend it, especially if you’re a chronic do-er like me!). I want to share something that really jumped out at me, that may be helpful to you. She recommends focusing on appreciation, as opposed to gratitude. She says “appreciation has an even more attractive vibration than gratitude because it’s purely about noticing what we like about what’s in front of us instead of gratitude, which is often about liking what’s in front of us as compared to what could be in front of us or what used to be in front of us.”

This is a really fascinating distinction to me. I’ve talked before about the importance of gratitude (here) and I still think it’s vital to feel and express it, but she makes a very interesting point. Appreciation may be an even more powerful tool. Appreciation feels easier and lighter to me than gratitude. I think this is because often when I’m grateful for something, there’s a tiny bit of fear mixed in. Like, I’m grateful that we’re all healthy (because that might change in the future).

Gratitude can also involve judgment—I’m grateful for something because it benefits me in some way—but appreciation just is. It’s the difference between being grateful for sunshine on your beach vacation (because rain would keep you inside and that would suck) and appreciating how the sunlight sparkles on the water as you sit by the ocean.

Northrup says, “I can simultaneously feel an energy of gratitude that my daughter is taking an awesome nap that I know will last another 40 minutes at least. But this is more in contrast to how it used to be when her naps were unpredictable and often lasted only 20 minutes. Do you see the difference? … How I feel about my daughter napping right now has to do with the moment but more in terms of how this moment relates to a moment in the past and feels better than it used to. … Both of these feelings have a place, for sure, but what we want to be shooting for as often as possible is pure appreciation for what’s in front of us, as opposed to gratitude for what’s in front of us in contrast to how bad it could be or how bad it used to be. Make sense? It’s a quarter turn that will make a world of difference.”

What do you think? I’d love to hear your take on this! Hit reply to this email and let me know, or comment below!