Plan for Joy

Happy New Year! After the rush of the holidays and then some (too short!) recovery time, I’m finally starting to think about the year ahead. I don’t know about you, but to me it seems like time has sped up and the year is already rushing by. Filling your calendar with to-dos, reminders, and appointments can feel overwhelming and disheartening, especially when the weather is gloomy outside.

For a moodboost, consider also planning for joy. This is an idea I first heard about from Ingrid Fetell Lee, author of Joyful: The Surprising Power of Ordinary Things to Create Extraordinary Happiness (which I’ve talked about here before). I read an article by her in which she discusses her annual planning process and says she’s always enjoyed setting goals, but realized she was forgetting something important: to plan for joy.

Lee explains, “Every year we sit down and plan how we’re going to be better people, more rigorous and diligent and considerate people. We write out the achievements we aspire to: the weight loss or the muscle strength, the pages written or published, the milestone markers we hope to see in the sideview mirror as we whizz past. In the process, we forget to plan for joy.

“It’s not that we shouldn’t plan for our big dreams and goals. These are the seeds of future joy, and well worth cultivating. But as we train our sights on these distant hopes, the small joys can easily get lost in the shuffle. …

“I think we forget to plan for joy because we think of joy as something that just happens, not as something that we make happen. In our minds, joy is spontaneous and effortless. Yet if we think about it, many of our most joyful moments — the picnic in the park or the family vacation, the birthday party or the nature hike — exist only because someone thought to plan for them.”

When I read this, I realized that even though I make a practice of being a “joy detective,” I usually think of it as looking for joyful moments, rather than actively planning for them. On her website, Lee offers a free “Joylist Planner” PDF that you can download. It has categories to help you come up with different types of experiences to plan, like people to see, occasions to celebrate, and field trips/local adventures. Here’s the link if you want to give it a try!

This reminds me of another uplifting idea from life coach Katherine North. She suggests that we plan multiple treats for ourselves in advance, scheduled throughout the year—anything from small delights like pedicures or massages to larger indulgences like vacations.

If we go ahead and put them in the calendar now, not only will we ensure that we’ll actually do them, but it also gives us things to look forward to. Research shows that anticipating something joyful can be almost as joy-inducing as the experience itself! (I think this is one of the reasons I enjoy planning trips so much.)

I love this idea, and am brainstorming some fun treats to schedule for myself. But we don’t have to wait for a vacation or other future event; we can also make time for joy every day.  Indulging in what we find pleasurable on a regular basis is a wonderful way to enhance our enjoyment of life.  We can scatter moments of joy throughout the day by indulging in simple pleasures, such as savoring a good piece of chocolate or connecting with an old friend.

In Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy, Sarah Ban Breathnach calls these “Joyful Simplicities.” She says: “Joyful simplicities nourish body and soul by engaging our senses. They teach us how to live in the present moment. Life comes together when we seek out the Sublime in the ordinary. …There’s a lot of drudgery to most of our days … To keep our daily round from being all drudgery, we’ve got to savor the art of the small: discovering diminutive delights that bring us peace and pleasure.”

What’s your favorite treat? What little activities do you love? What makes you happy? You can create a “bliss list” of your favorites and then make a point of fitting in as many as possible each week. My bliss list includes sitting in the sun, listening to jazz, and reading.

You can also create “seasonal joy lists”—lists of activities you love to do each season that either can only be done then, or that heighten your enjoyment of the season (like drinking hot chocolate or sitting by the fire in the winter, or eating watermelon in the summer).

I encourage you to try one (or all!) of these ideas and start scattering moments of joy, both small and large, throughout your life! Let me know how it goes!

6 Short & Sweet Ideas for a Summer Morning Refresh

Starting your day mindfully improves the rest of the day. Morning rituals are wonderfully beneficial, but when you’re busy, the thought of trying to squeeze something else into your day can be overwhelming. The good news is that your ritual doesn’t have to be complex or time-consuming to be effective. Here are some short and sweet practices that you can easily manage.

 1.      Ease into the day.

Instead of jumping out of bed, take a moment to center yourself. After you wake up, lie still and take three deep breaths. Place one hand on your belly and one hand on your heart. Breathe in slowly through your nose until you reach maximum capacity, feeling your belly rise. Then slowly release the breath through your mouth, feeling your belly fall. Imagine that you are inhaling peace and exhaling any tension you may have. Repeat two more times. Then stretch your arms and legs, lengthening your body as much as you can. As you get out of bed, pause to feel your feet on the floor. Then get up and on with your day, refreshed and ready!

2.      Replace phone time with something positive.

Instead of checking your phone first thing, which can negatively affect your focus and your mood, do something uplifting for five minutes. Write in a journal, sit in silence, read a few pages of an inspiring book—whatever makes you feel happier.

3.      Shower mindfully.

This practice doesn’t take any extra time at all, so it’s especially great for those super-busy days. Feel the water hitting your head and streaming downward. Imagine that it is washing all negative energy out of you and down the drain. Then imagine the fresh water replenishing you with positive energy for the day.

4.      Get outside.

Sip your morning coffee or tea outdoors for an instant reset, courtesy of nature. Getting sunlight first thing makes you more alert and spurs production of the mood-booster serotonin; it also helps regulate your sleep cycles. Bonus points if you can put your bare feet on the earth for some quick grounding.

5.      Set an intention/visualize/schedule some self-care.

Take a few minutes to sit quietly and think about the day ahead. Check in with yourself and see how you’re feeling. What does your day hold? Is there something important you want to accomplish? Set the intention that you will handle it easily. Visualize it going well. Are you facing a busy day? Set the intention to navigate it with serenity and grace. Visualize a smooth path ahead of you. Feel free to ask for help from whatever higher power you believe in, or simply your own inner self.

You can also use this time to brainstorm ways make your day easier or to treat yourself (having a reward to look forward to can brighten up even the toughest days). For example, is there something you can take off your list or ask someone else to do? Is there a break in the day where you can relax and enjoy a cup of tea or a quiet moment outside? Ask yourself what would make you happy, and see if you can make it happen.

6.      Focus on gratitude.

While you’re getting ready, eating breakfast, or commuting to work, think about what you’re thankful for. Cultivating an “attitude of gratitude” has been shown to have enormous benefits: it enhances physical health, psychological health, mental strength, and self-esteem. Paying attention to what’s good in your life is a wonderful way to start each day with a positive mindset. And the more you appreciate what’s around you, the more you notice things to appreciate.

Beginning your day with one of these simple morning rituals will help center and calm you, empowering you to be your best self. You can also practice them at other times—during lunchtime, for an afternoon break, or in the evening to transition between work and home.

And you can always come back to your breathing to for a mini-break. Close your eyes if possible and just focus on feeling the breath as it enters and exits your nose. Breathe as deeply and slowly as possible. If you’re feeling anxious, try kaki pranayama, or “bird’s beak,” breath: inhale through your nose. Then purse your lips into an O, as if you were drinking from a straw, and exhale slowly. This helps bring about the relaxation response. Repeat until you feel calmer.

A morning ritual refreshes and restores you every day. Even tiny actions can have an enormous positive impact. Try one of the practices above for a week and see how much better you feel!

Seeking Small Comforts

What a year, y’all. And it’s not over yet! I’ve been quiet here for a while, because I just haven’t had the brain capacity to write anything coherent. But I had a thought today, and I wanted to share it in case you find it helpful.

I haven’t had a lot of success with seeking joy in the past few months. I don’t know about you, but most days take so much energy just to get through, that joy feels like a bridge too far! Instead, I’ve found it much easier to look for small comforts—something really simple like slowly sipping a cup of tea, escaping into a good book, or going outside to sit in the sunshine. These actions take minimal time and effort, but they make a really big difference in how I feel. Here’s a link to an article I wrote in February about quick and easy ways to boost your mood, if you’d like some more ideas.

I hope that all is as well as it can be in your world. I would love to hear your favorite small comforts, if you want to share!

Joy, Goodness, and Growth (and How to Handle Uncertainty)

I was honored to take part in a new interview series my friend Keri Wilt of The Well-Tended Life is doing on finding and remembering the joy, goodness, and growth in our lives. The series was inspired by a quote from her great-great-grandmother Frances Hodgson Burnett’s book The Secret Garden: “Mistress Mary always felt that however many years she lived she should NEVER FORGET that first morning when her garden began to grow.”

We had a great time talking about these topics and I wanted to share the interview with you in case you’d like to check it out. She also has several other episodes completed, and I’ve found each one very inspiring and helpful.

One of the issues I talked about is how I’ve dealt with the uncertainty of these past few months by letting go of my need to control what’s going on (always a challenge for me!!). Here is the process that I came up with for doing that:

I do my best to release my expectations of what should happen, and my need to control what is going on.

I allow whatever is happening to be, whether or not I like it, and I accept the current reality without trying to change it.

And I trust that everything is going to be OK.

This approach has been invaluable in helping me navigate the anxiety of not knowing what is going to happen next (when I am able to remember to do it!).

You can watch the interview on her YouTube channel here. It’s also available in podcast format (“The Well-Tended Life”), available on Apple, Spotify, and Stitcher; find links here.

Wishing you an abundance of joy and goodness!

A Quick + Easy Way to Feel Better

It’s spring here in North America, and I’ve been extremely grateful for the ability to spend time outside during this stressful period. Being in nature has multiple benefits and can make you feel calmer and happier almost instantly. Below is a post I shared last year about the power of being outside; I feel like it’s more valuable now more than ever, so here it is again. It focuses on the morning, but going out at any time is beneficial—do what works best for you.

One of the best things you can do for yourself each day is to go outside in the morning. It’s so simple, but it can have a major positive impact on how you feel.

Getting sunlight first thing makes you more alert and spurs production of both serotonin, which boosts your mood, and vitamin D, which is essential for good health and supports your immune system. Serotonin production is spurred when sunlight enters your eyes, so spend some of your time outside without sunglasses. Spend about five to ten minutes without sunscreen as well, since getting sunlight on your skin is what triggers vitamin D production. (Be sure you’re outside before 10 a.m., as the sun’s rays are strongest between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m.)

Sunlight exposure in the morning also helps regulate your sleep cycle. It does this by reinforcing your body’s circadian clock, which runs many of your biological processes. Our circadian clock revolves around the patterns of the sun; in fact, the word “circadian” is Latin for “around day.” At sunset, our body releases melatonin to help us sleep. At sunrise, melatonin production is decreased to help us wake up. Exposure to sunlight in the morning enhances the suppression of melatonin. This is most effective if you go outside within two hours of waking up.

And if you need another good reason, here you go: nature is a portal to peace. Being outside grounds and centers us. The natural world is soothing; we are animals, after all, and being outdoors feels…well, natural! Simply stepping outside can instantly calm us down when we are stressed. Our breathing slows as we unconsciously mirror the peaceful rhythms of nature. We are taken beyond ourselves as we pay attention to the sights, scents, and sounds around us. We are refreshed and rejuvenated.

Life coach Wendy Battino lives in Alaska, but makes a point of going outside and touching the ground every day, regardless of the weather. She says, “Getting outside is a powerful way to get grounded instantly. No matter where you live, you can find nature—even in the busiest and biggest cities like London, you can find something natural to connect with. … It’s powerful to do something physical to connect to the earth in the morning. I step outside barefoot, regardless of the weather. Even if it’s forty degrees below zero, I can at least stand on the porch for a little bit, or I can scoop up some snow and wash my face with it.”

Ways to get your nature fix:

·         Take your morning coffee or tea into your yard and sip slowly, soaking in the sunshine.

·         Go for a walk and, instead of listening to music or talking on the phone, enjoy the sights and sounds you encounter.

·         Stand barefoot on a patch of grass or dirt and really feel your connection to the earth.

·         Find a “sit spot” on the ground and sit in silence while you breathe deeply and devote your attention to the natural world around you. What do you see—a tiny snail, or a beautiful flower, or puffy white clouds scudding across the sky? What sounds can you hear—birdsong, the wind rustling through the trees, crickets chirping? What scents do you smell—the earthiness of the ground beneath you, freshly cut grass, the perfume of nearby flowers? Feel yourself relaxing as you ease into nature’s slower pace.

In the fascinating book Joyful, Ingrid Fetell Lee says, “Access to nature has been shown to improve sleep quality, decrease blood pressure, and even lengthen lifespans. Large-scale studies … show that people living in greener areas have a lower incidence of anxiety and depression and display an ability to recover more quickly from stressful life events than those in less green areas. One possible reason is that spending time in nature decreases blood flow to a part of the brain … which is associated with the tendency to brood over problems. Natural settings literally make us more carefree.”

Tomorrow morning, try going outside and letting the sunshine and fresh air work their magic on you. Your body and your mind will thank you!

Tricking Myself into Mindfulness

I’ve discovered that I often don’t fully enjoy a pleasant moment because I’m not completely present in it. Mindfulness has many benefits, and one of them is enhancing our ability to appreciate the good times. I’ve come up with a “trick” to be more mindful in these instances and I wanted to share it with you in case you find it useful.

I love to read, and I’ve noticed that when I read about someone enjoying something—like a strong, steaming cup of coffee, a delicious meal, or a glorious sunset—it can seem more vivid to me than when those things happen to me in real life. I believe that that’s because I’m often in my head during those moments, thinking about something else. So I wondered, what if I narrate my experience to myself, as if I’m reading a book in which I’m a character? Doing so might help me inhabit the moment more completely, deepening my sense of pleasure.

Perhaps this sounds weird, or perhaps it makes sense to you. I tried it the other morning and it worked really well.  I was sitting in the backyard with my coffee and it was an absolutely gorgeous day. I realized I was thinking about work rather than appreciating a lovely experience, so I started narrating to myself (using lots of juicy adjectives—that seems to help).

I thought, “I’m relaxing here, savoring this delicious hot cup of coffee, listening to the wind in the leaves and all the birds singing, feeling the coolness of the breeze and the warmth of the sun, enjoying the fragrance of my blooming jasmine, looking at the brilliant blue sky and emerald green grass. I feel calm, peaceful, and happy. I don’t have any responsibilities right now. I can just take my time and soak in this beauty.” And it made a difference! Narrating helped me pay attention. I guess it was a way of corralling my thoughts and using them to enhance my experience, rather than letting them distract me.

Now the key will be remembering to do this! I think it will be especially effective for simple pleasures, because those are the times I tend to take for granted and sort of tune out during. But I bet it will help maximize my appreciation of joyful moments as well. What do you think? If you try narrating for yourself, let me know how it goes!

The Joyspotters Society

Some joyful news: Ingrid Fetell Lee, author of the book Joyful (which I’ve talked about before: here and here), is launching a free group focused on joy called “The Joyspotters Society”!

You can read the full post on her blog, but here are some quotes from it to give you the essentials:

What she says about why she’s launching the group:

“One thing that’s been heartening in the midst of this crisis has been to see how many of you are reaching for joy right now. While it can sometimes be hard to focus on joy during the midst of struggle, joy can also break through our stress and anxiety, offering moments of connection, lightness, and relief. These moments don’t have to be big. Even tiny slivers of joy can be like flashes of light in the darkness, and have been shown by research to help us cope with adversity and become more resilient. Which is why the simple practice of joyspotting feels more vital to me now than ever. … one thing that I know many joyspotters have been craving more of is community — especially right now, when physical distancing is creating a very real sense of isolation. … we know from research that sharing a moment of joy with others magnifies the joy we find in that experience. When we share joy, it multiplies! …

 “My intent is that The JoySpotters Society be a place you can come at any time to find something that gives your spirits a lift. … I know that as a community, we could build a much bigger collection of joyful inspiration than I can alone. … I can’t tell you how many times people ask me, ‘Where can I go to find other people like me, who are interested in creating joy in the world?’ I hope that The Joyspotters Society will be this place.”

What it includes:

• “Weekly joyspotting themes to inspire you to keep an eye out for joy

• Community spotlights featuring joyspotters and joymakers

• Live sessions with me (and occasional guest experts) on relevant topics

• Sneak peeks at new resources and other offerings before they’re released publicly”

She also has a free “Joyspotter’s guide” available on her website, which has 12 tips for finding more joy in the world around you.

Here’s to finding more joy in our everyday lives! It can make tough times easier to handle, ordinary times extraordinary, and good times great.  

R + R: Reading Recommendations for Rest + Recuperation (and Revitalization)

I’ve always turned to reading for help, whether it’s to learn about something new, better understand myself, change a habit, feel uplifted, or take a break and enter a magical new world.

I’m currently reading The Wisdom of Not Knowing: Discovering a Life of Wonder by Embracing Uncertainty by Estelle Frankel to help me adjust to this time of not knowing what will happen next. It occurred to me that this book, along with some others I’ve read, might be helpful to you as well during these stressful days.  So I thought I’d compile a list of recommendations, both nonfiction and fiction.

First, some pertinent/uplifting nonfiction titles:

Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom by Rick Hanson, PhD

Joyful: The Surprising Power of Ordinary Things to Create Extraordinary Happiness by Ingrid Fetell Lee

Do Less: A Revolutionary Approach to Time and Energy Management by Kate Northrup

Eat Pray Love and Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

Wake Up to the Joy of You: 52 Meditations and Practices for a Calmer, Happier Life by Agapi Stassinopoulos

The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abrams

You can find many more nonfiction recommendations in two of my previous blog posts, Lighthouses: Books That Have Lit the Way for Me (Part 1) and (Part 2).

Here are some wonderful, imaginative fiction reads to help you escape the real world and come back refreshed:

The Night Circus and The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern

Chance Developments and My Italian Bulldozer by Alexander McCall Smith (or any of his series books: The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, Isabel Dalhousie, or 44 Scotland Street)

The President’s Hat (or any other) by Antoine Laurain

The Story of Arthur Truluv, Night of Miracles, and The Confession Club (a trilogy) by Elizabeth Berg

The Lido by Libby Page

The Bar Harbor Retirement Home for Famous Writers by Terri-Lynne DeFino

The Course of Love by Alain de Botton

Diana, Herself by Martha Beck

Unfurl by Meghan Genge  

And while these may be “children’s books,” I return to them again and again for inspiration and comfort: A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle and The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett.

If any of these books appeal to you and you want to buy a hard copy (as opposed to an ebook), I encourage you to order from your local independent bookstore to support them in this tough time. Many are offering free delivery or shipping in an effort to keep sales up. If your area doesn’t have an independent bookstore, two great ones offering free shipping (or free delivery if you live there) are Garden District Book Shop in New Orleans and Judy Blume’s Books & Books in Key West.

(Where I wish I were able to go read right now!!)

Three Good Things

This week I got a great email newsletter from Katherine Center, author of some really good novels that I highly recommend, including Happiness for Beginners and The Lost Husband (coming out as a movie and streaming online starting April 10). Her newsletter is called “Three Good Things” and in this issue she had double that, plus a link to an ongoing “Good Things for Quarantine” list on her website (check it out here). The email was packed with book, TV show, and podcast recommendations, as well as a practice she is following that I wanted to share with you. The practice is to notice three good things in your day, every day. Here is what she says:

“This name of this newsletter was inspired by something the character Helen in my novel Happiness for Beginners learns to do during the story: To notice three good things that happen every day. She learns to do it from another character, Windy, who explains that the things we notice are the things we hold on to. And the things we hold on to become the story of our lives.

“At the very beginning of the pandemic, I was thinking I might keep a journal and write about something joyful that happened that day—even something small, just to keep a daily record that, even in the darkest times, there are still flickers of joy. But I've found I'm too stressed and distracted to do that. So I've downsized considerably: I'm trying to keep a list of Three Good Things that I notice every day—just like Helen does in the book. I try to either write them down or take photos.

“These don't have to be big things. They will very likely be little things. A caterpillar on the milkweed. The way the wood floor feels under my bare feet. The smell of laundry fresh out of the dryer. The taste of onions sautéed in butter. The tapping of rain on the tin roof of our porch . . .

“Just three little things every day. I promise: They add up.”

Back in January, I had rededicated myself to doing a gratitude practice where each night, I would write down three things I was grateful for that day. I’ve been keeping it up even though there have been times recently that I’ve had trouble feeling thankful for anything. But even on those days I realize that there’s always something—even if it’s just that I’m thankful the day is over and it’s bedtime! And once I write one thing down, I’m able to come up with something else. I might remember something good that happened, or if that fails I can always be grateful for basics like a safe place to be, hot running water, food to eat, etc. I find it helpful to end each day thinking of something positive like this.

I hope that you are able to find at least three good things in your day today, and that you are doing OK! Sending you lots of love.

A Hodgepodge of Help

Hey, there. I hope that you are doing as well as can be expected during this wild ride we’re on. I’m still experiencing mood swings, from calm and accepting to anxious to angry to resigned to hopeful, and all sorts of other emotions in between. And so I continue to search for ways to feel better—if not joyful, necessarily, then at least somewhat peaceful. I wanted to share a few things that have helped me recently.

Pitch a Fit

I’ve mentioned Master Healer Sonia Sommer before; she has a weekly email newsletter that always offers valuable insights and information. A week or so ago she wrote that that morning her daughter (who I believe is a teenager) was upset, and when Sonia tried to comfort her by offering suggestions, it just seemed to make her worse. She finally gave her daughter space, and after some “fit-pitching” she calmed down and started to figure out a way through the problem on her own. Sonia realized that when we’re feeling upset, we can’t jump right from that state to being open to helpful advice. First we need to process the emotions and let them out.

So, I’m sharing her suggestion to pitch a fit when you need to. Don’t try to talk yourself out of the emotion. When you’re feeling nervous, or afraid, or angry, or sad, go ahead and feel it. Channel a good ol’ toddler temper tantrum—punch some pillows, lie down and cry, kick your feet, yell and scream if you can (maybe go sit in your car or some other private space if you have access to one!).

I have gone into my bedroom to pound the pillows and cry more than once. I also like to “journal angry”—writing in huge messy all capital letters about what is pissing me off (this form of silent yelling can work well if you’re not able to go anywhere private). Last week my husband and I went on an extremely fast walk around the neighborhood one evening, just to work off the frustration we were feeling.

Do whatever you can do to let the emotions move through and out of you. Then, and only then, you’ll be able to look for silver linings/solutions/ways to manage the situation.

Seek Out Positive, Calming Influences

Today, I watched a TED Connects: Community and Hope interview with author Elizabeth Gilbert about coping during these times. I found it enormously soothing and filled with useful ideas and inspiring stories. Here is the link to the video and to the series, which they are running live every day at noon Eastern time.

I’m also doing my best to meditate more. But since my mind is even more active than usual, I need a little extra help, so I’m trying guided meditations. A local fitness studio, Wild Lemon, has started a Youtube channel which has some lovely meditations on there for free. Here’s a link to a recent one. Another way to try guided meditation is with an app like Calm, Headspace, or Insight Timer.

And I’m trying to move my body every day—not necessarily to “exercise” or keep fit, but because it boosts my mood and relieves stress. I’m taking long walks, stretching, and doing online yoga and Pilates classes. Here’s a link to some free classes on Wild Lemon’s Youtube channel. Yoga Journal also has some sequences and free videos on their website.

I hope you find one or more of these ideas/resources helpful. Hang in there! We will get through this.