Joy, Goodness, and Growth (and How to Handle Uncertainty)

I was honored to take part in a new interview series my friend Keri Wilt of The Well-Tended Life is doing on finding and remembering the joy, goodness, and growth in our lives. The series was inspired by a quote from her great-great-grandmother Frances Hodgson Burnett’s book The Secret Garden: “Mistress Mary always felt that however many years she lived she should NEVER FORGET that first morning when her garden began to grow.”

We had a great time talking about these topics and I wanted to share the interview with you in case you’d like to check it out. She also has several other episodes completed, and I’ve found each one very inspiring and helpful.

One of the issues I talked about is how I’ve dealt with the uncertainty of these past few months by letting go of my need to control what’s going on (always a challenge for me!!). Here is the process that I came up with for doing that:

I do my best to release my expectations of what should happen, and my need to control what is going on.

I allow whatever is happening to be, whether or not I like it, and I accept the current reality without trying to change it.

And I trust that everything is going to be OK.

This approach has been invaluable in helping me navigate the anxiety of not knowing what is going to happen next (when I am able to remember to do it!).

You can watch the interview on her YouTube channel here. It’s also available in podcast format (“The Well-Tended Life”), available on Apple, Spotify, and Stitcher; find links here.

Wishing you an abundance of joy and goodness!

Release Allow graphic.jpeg

New Resolution: Let Go. No, Seriously, Let Go.

Here is my next resolution:

Let go.

Sounds easy, doesn't it? But for me it's enormously difficult. I might have a little bit of a control issue. I know, though, that trying to control everything just makes me miserable.

Because the truth is, we're never in control. If I can let go of  expectations, my need for things to go a certain way, and anything that bothers or worries me but that I can't change, it will free up a ton of energy and make me a whole lot happier.

This is something I've been contemplating for a while; below is a post I wrote about it back in August of 2017!

***

"The Power of Letting Go"

Recently in my yin yoga class, my teacher read the poem below to us. I felt that instant electric surge of recognition. The entire poem rings so true for me; see what you think:

“She Let Go”

She let go.

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear.

She let go of the judgments.

She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.

She let go of the committee of indecision within her.

She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.

Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice.

She didn’t read a book on how to let go.

She didn’t search the scriptures.

She just let go.

She let go of all of the memories that held her back.

She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.

She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go.

She didn’t journal about it.

She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.

She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.

She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.

She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.

She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.

She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.

She didn’t call the prayer line.

She didn’t utter one word.

She just let go.

No one was around when it happened.

There was no applause or congratulations.

No one thanked her or praised her.

No one noticed a thing.

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort.

There was no struggle.

It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.

It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be.

A small smile came over her face.

A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore…

by Rev. Safire Rose (as posted on Elephant Journal)

I get goosebumps every time I read it. Every line is what blogger Keri Wilt of FHB&Me calls a “head bob moment”—yep, that’s me! “The committee of indecision”—oh yeah, I’ve got them! “She didn’t read a book on how to let go”—ha! I can’t tell you how many books I’ve read on pretty much that subject. What, I can just do it without someone telling me how? What a radical, extraordinary concept! And oh, the planning … and the talking about it, and the analysis of pros and cons … that is me all over.

Every time I read those last few lines, I can glimpse the peace that’s available to us if we can actually let go of everything that doesn’t serve us. I can imagine that light, joy-full feeling of truly letting go, and I want it!

I find that I am holding on to quite a few things that are blocking my path to joy. Here are some I could let go of that would really lighten my load:

·         Needing to be perfect/not letting myself make mistakes

·         Needing to always be in control

·         Needing the house to be perfectly neat all the time

·         Needing to be right in arguments—there’s that saying, would you rather be right or happy? Must. Remember. That.

·         Agonizing about mistakes I made and embarrassing moments from my past

·         Worrying about any future event that may or may not happen

·         Worrying about anything that is out of my control

·         Self-consciousness and caring about others’ opinions of me

·         Wondering why I seem to be the only person in the house who can change the toilet paper roll or put clean dishes up. Just kidding---sort of! But there is truth at the heart of this: I can let go of the irritation I feel about these issues, and other ones that are really not worth getting upset over. So much energy wasted on the small stuff!

Is there something—or are there many somethings—that you could let go of? You can always grab them again if it turns out you need them! But perhaps you could experiment with letting go of one need or expectation or fear, and see what happens. I will be doing my very best to let go just like “she” did, and I hope you are able to do the same!

159.JPG

What if?

What if you believed you are worthy?

What if you accepted the praise rather than deflecting it?

What if you embraced the joy as much as you wallow in the pain?

 

What if you agreed that you are special,

that inside you lives a gorgeous spirit nothing can break,

that you are more than enough just as you are,

and that the only person you need to hear that from is you?

 

What if you trusted in the love that yearns toward you,

in the light that others to seem to see?

What if you believed that people you admire could admire you?

 

What if you stopped holding yourself back,

pushing yourself down,

making yourself small?

 

What if believing in yourself was as natural as believing in the sunrise?

 

What if you allowed the glory biding its time offstage to step into the spotlight?

 

What if you felt the terror and did it anyway?

What if you faced the pain and kept on going?

What if you took that leap of faith despite your crippling fear of heights?

 

What if you understood that mountains in your path are not meant to block your way

But rather to elevate you to a higher vantage point

From which you can see more clearly?

 

What if you gave up needing to know,

insisting on being right,

being afraid to fail?

 

What if you stopped hiding your tears—and your joy?

 

What if you opened yourself up,

laid yourself bare,

made yourself vulnerable,

and stayed that way without resisting

in order to feel the triumph of surviving your worst nightmare?

 

What if you shared it all,

gave everything away,

and expected nothing in return?

 

What if you LET GO?

What if you kept letting go every second of every minute of every day—

what do you think might come to you?

 

What if you relaxed,

and rested,

and laid down your heavy burden of "shoulds"?

 

What if you stopped trying so hard?

What if you stopped trying at all—and started allowing?

 

What sort of miracle do you think might brush against your cheek? What magic might land on your fingertips?

 

What if you opened the faucet all the way?

What if you unkinked the hose?

What do you think might pour forth?

 

What if you stopped insisting that you're all alone,

that you have no power,

that you're less than,

that you’re ordinary?

 

What if you believed you could make a difference?

What if you believed your life was vital in some way?

What if the teacher you seek is inside you?

 

What if you gave up?

What if you gave in?

 

What if you stopped swimming and started floating, trusting in your natural buoyancy and the path of the current?

On what golden shore might you land?

beach dawn 11.jpg

 

 

The Power of Letting Go

Recently in my yin yoga class, my teacher read the poem below to us. I felt that instant electric surge of recognition. The entire poem rings so true for me; see what you think:

“She Let Go”

She let go.

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear.

She let go of the judgments.

She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.

She let go of the committee of indecision within her.

She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.

Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice.

She didn’t read a book on how to let go.

She didn’t search the scriptures.

She just let go.

She let go of all of the memories that held her back.

She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.

She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go.

She didn’t journal about it.

She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.

She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.

She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.

She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.

She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.

She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.

She didn’t call the prayer line.

She didn’t utter one word.

She just let go.

No one was around when it happened.

There was no applause or congratulations.

No one thanked her or praised her.

No one noticed a thing.

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort.

There was no struggle.

It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.

It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be.

A small smile came over her face.

A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore…

by Rev. Safire Rose (as posted on Elephant Journal)

I get goosebumps every time I read it. Every line is what writer Keri Wilt (author of the blog FHB&Me) calls a “head bob moment”—yep, that’s me! “The committee of indecision”—oh yeah, I’ve got them! “She didn’t read a book on how to let go”—ha! I can’t tell you how many books I’ve read on pretty much that exact subject. What, I can just do it without someone telling me how? What a radical, extraordinary concept! And oh, the planning … and the talking about it, and the analysis of pros and cons … that is me all over.

Every time I read those last few lines, I can glimpse the peace that’s available to us if we can actually let go of everything that doesn’t serve us. I can imagine that light, joy-full feeling of truly letting go, and I want it!

I find that I am holding on to quite a few things that are blocking my path to joy. Here are some I could let go of that would really lighten my load:

·         Needing to be perfect/not letting myself make mistakes

·         Needing to always be in control

·         Needing the house to be perfectly neat all the time

·         Needing to be right in arguments—there’s that saying, would you rather be right or happy? Must. Remember. That.

·         Agonizing about mistakes I made and embarrassing moments from my past

·         Worrying about any future event that may or may not happen

·         Worrying about anything that is out of my control

·         Self-consciousness and caring about others’ opinions of me

·         Wondering why I seem to be the only person in the house who can change the toilet paper roll or put clean dishes up. Just kidding---sort of! But there is truth at the heart of this: I can let go of the irritation I feel about these issues, and other ones that are really not worth getting upset over. So much energy wasted on the small stuff!

Is there something—or are there many somethings—that you could let go of? You can always grab them again if it turns out you need them! But perhaps you could experiment with letting go of one need or expectation or fear, and see what happens. I will be doing my very best to let go just like “she” did, and I hope you are able to do the same!