Joy, Goodness, and Growth (and How to Handle Uncertainty)

I was honored to take part in a new interview series my friend Keri Wilt of The Well-Tended Life is doing on finding and remembering the joy, goodness, and growth in our lives. The series was inspired by a quote from her great-great-grandmother Frances Hodgson Burnett’s book The Secret Garden: “Mistress Mary always felt that however many years she lived she should NEVER FORGET that first morning when her garden began to grow.”

We had a great time talking about these topics and I wanted to share the interview with you in case you’d like to check it out. She also has several other episodes completed, and I’ve found each one very inspiring and helpful.

One of the issues I talked about is how I’ve dealt with the uncertainty of these past few months by letting go of my need to control what’s going on (always a challenge for me!!). Here is the process that I came up with for doing that:

I do my best to release my expectations of what should happen, and my need to control what is going on.

I allow whatever is happening to be, whether or not I like it, and I accept the current reality without trying to change it.

And I trust that everything is going to be OK.

This approach has been invaluable in helping me navigate the anxiety of not knowing what is going to happen next (when I am able to remember to do it!).

You can watch the interview on her YouTube channel here. It’s also available in podcast format (“The Well-Tended Life”), available on Apple, Spotify, and Stitcher; find links here.

Wishing you an abundance of joy and goodness!

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A Gratitude Experiment

I’ve talked about master healer Sonia Sommer’s “Wellness Wednesday” newsletters in previous posts, and shared some wonderful ideas. Here’s one from a recent email about the power of being grateful, which I found really helpful. As I’ve written about before, gratitude is incredibly beneficial, and I’m always looking for ways to help myself remember to practice it.

 The Gratitude Experiment

By Sonia Sommer

 Stop trying to control everything outside yourself.

 You cannot.

 All your power lies within.

 Your perspective changes your life.

 Therefore, begin every day in deep gratitude for everything exactly as it is.

 Gratitude is not a passive response to life.

 Gratitude is an elevated state of being that changes your entire world.

 But don't take my word for it.

 Do an experiment: commit to 30 days of unconditional gratitude and see what happens.

You probably know this already. 

 But knowing and doing are two completely different things.

 It's what we do consistently, every single day, that creates our life.

 If you want to truly experience the magic of life, make a commitment now.

This topic came up today because I am seeing so many clients trying desperately to control things. Placing all kinds of conditions on life in order to feel ok. It is futile and a waste of your precious energy. Life is much easier than that.

If this applies to you, do the gratitude experiment.

If it doesn't apply to you, do the gratitude experiment. You're probably already doing it, in which case we thank you for lifting us up with you.

Experiment tips:

  • Immediately upon waking, place your hand on your heart and say "Good morning soul. I love you my soul." Be thankful that you are alive, you have a body. Think of 5 things for which you are grateful and feel that state arise within.

  • After you get up, meditate until you are in love with your life and feel a deep sense of gratitude. It may take an hour. It may take 10 minutes. 

  • Go to your journal and write down your gratitudes. Write at least 5. Two of them should be difficult things in your life for which you must find gratitude. What is the lesson, what could be the gift in the challenge that you don't yet understand? 

  • Throughout your day, stop and cultivate gratitude and a sense of awe.

Watch this amazing video for some inspiration.

 

If you try this gratitude experiment, let me know how it goes!

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New Resolution: Let Go. No, Seriously, Let Go.

Here is my next resolution:

Let go.

Sounds easy, doesn't it? But for me it's enormously difficult. I might have a little bit of a control issue. I know, though, that trying to control everything just makes me miserable.

Because the truth is, we're never in control. If I can let go of  expectations, my need for things to go a certain way, and anything that bothers or worries me but that I can't change, it will free up a ton of energy and make me a whole lot happier.

This is something I've been contemplating for a while; below is a post I wrote about it back in August of 2017!

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"The Power of Letting Go"

Recently in my yin yoga class, my teacher read the poem below to us. I felt that instant electric surge of recognition. The entire poem rings so true for me; see what you think:

“She Let Go”

She let go.

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear.

She let go of the judgments.

She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.

She let go of the committee of indecision within her.

She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.

Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice.

She didn’t read a book on how to let go.

She didn’t search the scriptures.

She just let go.

She let go of all of the memories that held her back.

She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.

She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go.

She didn’t journal about it.

She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.

She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.

She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.

She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.

She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.

She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.

She didn’t call the prayer line.

She didn’t utter one word.

She just let go.

No one was around when it happened.

There was no applause or congratulations.

No one thanked her or praised her.

No one noticed a thing.

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort.

There was no struggle.

It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.

It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be.

A small smile came over her face.

A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore…

by Rev. Safire Rose (as posted on Elephant Journal)

I get goosebumps every time I read it. Every line is what blogger Keri Wilt of FHB&Me calls a “head bob moment”—yep, that’s me! “The committee of indecision”—oh yeah, I’ve got them! “She didn’t read a book on how to let go”—ha! I can’t tell you how many books I’ve read on pretty much that subject. What, I can just do it without someone telling me how? What a radical, extraordinary concept! And oh, the planning … and the talking about it, and the analysis of pros and cons … that is me all over.

Every time I read those last few lines, I can glimpse the peace that’s available to us if we can actually let go of everything that doesn’t serve us. I can imagine that light, joy-full feeling of truly letting go, and I want it!

I find that I am holding on to quite a few things that are blocking my path to joy. Here are some I could let go of that would really lighten my load:

·         Needing to be perfect/not letting myself make mistakes

·         Needing to always be in control

·         Needing the house to be perfectly neat all the time

·         Needing to be right in arguments—there’s that saying, would you rather be right or happy? Must. Remember. That.

·         Agonizing about mistakes I made and embarrassing moments from my past

·         Worrying about any future event that may or may not happen

·         Worrying about anything that is out of my control

·         Self-consciousness and caring about others’ opinions of me

·         Wondering why I seem to be the only person in the house who can change the toilet paper roll or put clean dishes up. Just kidding---sort of! But there is truth at the heart of this: I can let go of the irritation I feel about these issues, and other ones that are really not worth getting upset over. So much energy wasted on the small stuff!

Is there something—or are there many somethings—that you could let go of? You can always grab them again if it turns out you need them! But perhaps you could experiment with letting go of one need or expectation or fear, and see what happens. I will be doing my very best to let go just like “she” did, and I hope you are able to do the same!

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