Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, which encourages us to show our love for our romantic partner. Where is the holiday that encourages us to show our love for ourselves?

Truly, this is so important that we should be reminded every day, not just one day a year. We can’t fully love others if we don’t fully love ourselves. And yet we often treat ourselves terribly. Our needs are always last on the list. “Oh, I don’t have time to _______, I have to work/take care of my children/clean the house/go to the store/cook dinner/do laundry, etc. etc.”

However, as many of us have found out, if we focus solely on taking care of others and neglect ourselves for too long, it will eventually have a negative impact. We get sick, or are constantly tired or irritable (or are sick, tired, AND irritable). Often when this happens, our instinct is to push through, because we are needed. We’re not making it up—we do have tons of obligations and people who depend on us—bosses, coworkers, children, spouses, parents, friends. But our first obligation should be to ourselves. I know it sounds radical. But it’s true.

It’s important to note that we’re worthy of love, just as we are. We don’t have to be constantly productive to prove our worth. We are each born a beautiful soul, deserving of unconditional love. When we give ourselves that love—not demanding anything in return, not trying to “be better,” just appreciating ourselves as is—it makes a huge difference in our lives.

I’ll admit, showing myself unconditional love is something I struggle with daily. I’m a perfectionist and highly self-critical, and as I’ve discussed before, I have the urge to always be doing something to “earn my keep.” But running around like a hamster on a wheel all the time doesn’t feel good. No matter how hard I work, I never cross everything off the list (gah, how I hate that fact!). I never reach that mark of “enough.”

I always feel like I come up short when I tie my value to what I’m accomplishing. If I can wrap my head around the idea that I’m inherently worthy—that I was born enough, and don’t have anything to prove—that feels SO much better. I feel open rather than constricted. Relaxed instead of clenched. Happy instead of apprehensive.

There’s a common saying: When Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. The converse is absolutely true: when I’m happy, I can spread that happiness. I’m more likely to be kind and patient with those I love—and even with strangers. So, when you tend to your own happiness, you’re really doing others a service.

What if we all devoted time every day just to showing ourselves some love? Paying attention to our needs and our wants; taking a moment to sit and listen to our inner voice, which often gets drowned out in the cacophony of modern life. I’m not talking about hours each day—just as much time as you can comfortably fit into your schedule. Maybe five minutes, sitting outside while you watch the clouds float by, or fifteen minutes of meditation or yoga or reading—whatever lights you up and makes you feel whole.

Today, take a moment to show yourself some love. Do something you enjoy, or give yourself a treat that that makes you feel amazing. Book that massage! Steal away and read that book! Savor the chocolate! Do it just because—because you are a miraculous, incredible, gorgeous soul who deserves all the love in the world. XXXOOO!

Happy New Year! After the rush of the holidays and then some recovery time, I’ve been working my way through my email inbox. I just read an end-of-the-year post by Ingrid Fetell Lee, author of Joyful: The Surprising Power of Ordinary Things to Create Extraordinary Happiness (which I’ve talked about here before), in which she discusses her annual planning process. She says she’s always enjoyed setting goals, but she realized she was forgetting something important: to plan for joy.

Lee explains, “Every year we sit down and plan how we’re going to be better people, more rigorous and diligent and considerate people. We write out the achievements we aspire to: the weight loss or the muscle strength, the pages written or published, the milestone markers we hope to see in the sideview mirror as we whizz past. In the process, we forget to plan for joy.

“It’s not that we shouldn’t plan for our big dreams and goals. These are the seeds of future joy, and well worth cultivating. But as we train our sights on these distant hopes, the small joys can easily get lost in the shuffle. …

“I think we forget to plan for joy because we think of joy as something that just happens, not as something that we make happen. In our minds, joy is spontaneous and effortless. Yet if we think about it, many of our most joyful moments — the picnic in the park or the family vacation, the birthday party or the nature hike — exist only because someone thought to plan for them.”

Yes! I realized that even though I make a practice of being a “joy detective,” I usually think of it as looking for joyful moments, rather than actively planning for them. In the post, Lee offers a free “Joylist Planner” PDF that you can download. It has categories to help you come up with different types of experiences to plan, like people to see, occasions to celebrate, and field trips/local adventures. I printed one out and am going to try planning for more joy this year. Here’s the link if you want to give it a try as well!

This reminds me of an idea in another email I recently got, from life coach Katherine North. She suggests that we plan multiple treats for ourselves in advance, scheduled throughout the year—anything from small delights like pedicures or massages to larger indulgences like vacations.

If we go ahead and put them in the calendar now, not only will we ensure that we’ll actually do them, but it also gives us things to look forward to. Research shows that anticipating something joyful can be almost as joy-inducing as the experience itself! (I think this is one of the reasons I enjoy planning trips so much.)

I love this idea, and am brainstorming some fun treats to schedule for myself. But we don’t have to wait for a vacation or other future event; we can also make time for joy every day. Indulging in what we find pleasurable on a regular basis is a wonderful way to enhance our enjoyment of life. We can scatter moments of joy throughout the day by indulging in simple pleasures, such as savoring a good piece of chocolate or connecting with an old friend.

In Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy, Sarah Ban Breathnach calls these “Joyful Simplicities.” She says: “Joyful simplicities nourish body and soul by engaging our senses. They teach us how to live in the present moment. Life comes together when we seek out the Sublime in the ordinary. …There’s a lot of drudgery to most of our days … To keep our daily round from being all drudgery, we’ve got to savor the art of the small: discovering diminutive delights that bring us peace and pleasure.”

What’s your favorite treat? What little activities do you love? What makes you happy? You can create a “bliss list” of your favorites and then make a point of fitting in as many as possible each week. My bliss list includes sitting in the sun, listening to jazz, and reading.

You can also create “seasonal joy lists”—lists of activities you love to do each season that either can only be done then, or that heighten your enjoyment of the season (like drinking hot chocolate or sitting by the fire in the winter, or eating watermelon in the summer).

I encourage you to try one (or all!) of these ideas and start scattering moments of joy, both small and large, throughout your life! Let me know how it goes!