R + R: Reading Recommendations for Rest + Recuperation (and Revitalization)

I’ve always turned to reading for help, whether it’s to learn about something new, better understand myself, change a habit, feel uplifted, or take a break and enter a magical new world.

I’m currently reading The Wisdom of Not Knowing: Discovering a Life of Wonder by Embracing Uncertainty by Estelle Frankel to help me adjust to this time of not knowing what will happen next. It occurred to me that this book, along with some others I’ve read, might be helpful to you as well during these stressful days.  So I thought I’d compile a list of recommendations, both nonfiction and fiction.

First, some pertinent/uplifting nonfiction titles:

Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom by Rick Hanson, PhD

Joyful: The Surprising Power of Ordinary Things to Create Extraordinary Happiness by Ingrid Fetell Lee

Do Less: A Revolutionary Approach to Time and Energy Management by Kate Northrup

Eat Pray Love and Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

Wake Up to the Joy of You: 52 Meditations and Practices for a Calmer, Happier Life by Agapi Stassinopoulos

The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abrams

You can find many more nonfiction recommendations in two of my previous blog posts, Lighthouses: Books That Have Lit the Way for Me (Part 1) and (Part 2).

Here are some wonderful, imaginative fiction reads to help you escape the real world and come back refreshed:

The Night Circus and The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern

Chance Developments and My Italian Bulldozer by Alexander McCall Smith (or any of his series books: The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, Isabel Dalhousie, or 44 Scotland Street)

The President’s Hat (or any other) by Antoine Laurain

The Story of Arthur Truluv, Night of Miracles, and The Confession Club (a trilogy) by Elizabeth Berg

The Lido by Libby Page

The Bar Harbor Retirement Home for Famous Writers by Terri-Lynne DeFino

The Course of Love by Alain de Botton

Diana, Herself by Martha Beck

Unfurl by Meghan Genge  

And while these may be “children’s books,” I return to them again and again for inspiration and comfort: A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle and The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett.

If any of these books appeal to you and you want to buy a hard copy (as opposed to an ebook), I encourage you to order from your local independent bookstore to support them in this tough time. Many are offering free delivery or shipping in an effort to keep sales up. If your area doesn’t have an independent bookstore, two great ones offering free shipping (or free delivery if you live there) are Garden District Book Shop in New Orleans and Judy Blume’s Books & Books in Key West.

(Where I wish I were able to go read right now!!)

A Hodgepodge of Help

Hey, there. I hope that you are doing as well as can be expected during this wild ride we’re on. I’m still experiencing mood swings, from calm and accepting to anxious to angry to resigned to hopeful, and all sorts of other emotions in between. And so I continue to search for ways to feel better—if not joyful, necessarily, then at least somewhat peaceful. I wanted to share a few things that have helped me recently.

Pitch a Fit

I’ve mentioned Master Healer Sonia Sommer before; she has a weekly email newsletter that always offers valuable insights and information. A week or so ago she wrote that that morning her daughter (who I believe is a teenager) was upset, and when Sonia tried to comfort her by offering suggestions, it just seemed to make her worse. She finally gave her daughter space, and after some “fit-pitching” she calmed down and started to figure out a way through the problem on her own. Sonia realized that when we’re feeling upset, we can’t jump right from that state to being open to helpful advice. First we need to process the emotions and let them out.

So, I’m sharing her suggestion to pitch a fit when you need to. Don’t try to talk yourself out of the emotion. When you’re feeling nervous, or afraid, or angry, or sad, go ahead and feel it. Channel a good ol’ toddler temper tantrum—punch some pillows, lie down and cry, kick your feet, yell and scream if you can (maybe go sit in your car or some other private space if you have access to one!).

I have gone into my bedroom to pound the pillows and cry more than once. I also like to “journal angry”—writing in huge messy all capital letters about what is pissing me off (this form of silent yelling can work well if you’re not able to go anywhere private). Last week my husband and I went on an extremely fast walk around the neighborhood one evening, just to work off the frustration we were feeling.

Do whatever you can do to let the emotions move through and out of you. Then, and only then, you’ll be able to look for silver linings/solutions/ways to manage the situation.

Seek Out Positive, Calming Influences

Today, I watched a TED Connects: Community and Hope interview with author Elizabeth Gilbert about coping during these times. I found it enormously soothing and filled with useful ideas and inspiring stories. Here is the link to the video and to the series, which they are running live every day at noon Eastern time.

I’m also doing my best to meditate more. But since my mind is even more active than usual, I need a little extra help, so I’m trying guided meditations. A local fitness studio, Wild Lemon, has started a Youtube channel which has some lovely meditations on there for free. Here’s a link to a recent one. Another way to try guided meditation is with an app like Calm, Headspace, or Insight Timer.

And I’m trying to move my body every day—not necessarily to “exercise” or keep fit, but because it boosts my mood and relieves stress. I’m taking long walks, stretching, and doing online yoga and Pilates classes. Here’s a link to some free classes on Wild Lemon’s Youtube channel. Yoga Journal also has some sequences and free videos on their website.

I hope you find one or more of these ideas/resources helpful. Hang in there! We will get through this.

Sharing the Load Makes it Lighter

This week I feel compelled to share one of my very first posts again. So many people today seem to be struggling and in need of support. The world can be a difficult, overwhelming, and isolating place. We often think that we are the only ones who are having a hard time, but that is definitely not the case. If this post helps you, I’m glad. If you don’t need it today, it’s likely that someone you know does, so feel free to share.

You Are Not the Only One

Your fear, your pain, your secret shame—whatever wakes you up at 2 a.m. or keeps you from falling asleep—you are not the only one to experience it. If you were to share it, someone else would understand. Someone would say, “Me too.” It may not be your spouse, or your parent, or even your best friend—it may be a stranger whom you’ve never met face-to-face. But rest assured, they are out there.

Yes, they, because there’s probably more than one. This burden you carry feels all the heavier because you think you carry it alone. That is not true. If you speak the secret in a safe place, others will speak up too. They will say, “I feel the same way,” or “I’ve done that too, and I’m so ashamed.” The relief you will all feel when you find each other is enormous. Sharing the load makes it easier to carry, and sometimes bringing it into the light makes it disappear.

I witnessed this on a private forum for a class about writing through your pain to the love on the other side. These women—complete strangers at first—gradually began to share their most secret secrets, and the acceptance and understanding is overwhelming. One will post a gut-wrenching admission of something which has smothered her in shame and guilt for years, and within minutes, others are posting. Forgiving, commiserating, sharing their similar experiences. Each one feeling like she alone had done that or felt that way—until the dozens of others spoke up.

It is powerfully uplifting to witness the healing that happens when you share what you think is the worst part of you and it is met with compassion and love. It opens the way for peace and joy. Feeling afraid, ashamed, or guilty blocks joy from entering your life like a clot blocks blood flow—and it can be just as life-threatening. Dissolving that clot by sharing your truth will clear the path for all the goodness that is waiting for you.

If you are suffering, I encourage you to seek out a safe place to lay your burden down. Look for support groups, classes, or organizations that might yield a space for you to share. Your tribe is out there, I promise. Online classes are great because it can be easier to be truthful when you’re not actually in the same room—or city—as the other people.  I have a special love for Martha Beck’s classes because I find they tend to draw people who are either also in pain and seeking to transform, or those who are or want to be healers.

Be cautious about the group you choose—speaking up only to be met with judgment can be devastating. I’m not a huge fan of most religious groups because judgment just seems to be built into organized religion, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t wonderful congregations out there.

If you aren’t ready to share yet, you could try reading memoirs by authors who have had similar experiences. Maybe start a journal or write a letter to an author you feel a connection with (you don’t have to send it). Sometimes getting everything on paper helps you release it, and imagining a sympathetic response can help you feel understood.

Whatever you do, know that there are others who feel like you, who have experienced what you have. What I am learning is that none of us is truly alone. We are part of a collective love, if we will only open up and welcome it.